“A Call to More Action” 

Baltimore’s Top Neighborhood Dads Luncheon

Friday, June 15, 2007

The National Aquarium in Baltimore

Good afternoon.  It is indeed an honor to be invited by the City Council President, Ms. Stephanie Rawlings Blake, to bring some remarks on the occasion of this luncheon to honor Baltimore’s Top Neighborhood Dads.  Stephanie had one of the great dads in the city in one Mr. Howard (Pete) Rawlings.  I considered him a great leader, as so many did, not just here in Baltimore City, not just across this state (which he served so well in the state legislature for years), but he was revered all across this nation for his strength, his vision and his integrity. 

It is clear Stephanie learned a lot from him… and she probably taught him a thing or two, also…which reminds me of a story I like to tell:  speaking of learning, “I’m reminded of a story of a young Baptist minister, who having gained fame and fortune in the North, was asked to come home, South, to deliver a sermon. Well he could hardly refuse!  So he decided to take his young son along with him, to teach him something about his history, his culture. Well, he went down there and he delivered the sermon of his life; he had the congregation rolling from one emotion to the next.  When he was finished, his old pastor came up to him and said, “John, that was a mighty fine sermon, the finest sermon I’ve heard in a very long time.  I wish we could give you something, but we’re just a small congregation.”  John waved off the old pastor and said it was payment enough just being home. 

As he’s leaving the church, John notices there’s a poor box in the back.  He reaches into his wallet, pulls out a fresh, new crisp $10 bill and puts it in the collection box.

Halfway across the parking lot with his son, he hears a voice, “John!...  John!”  (It’s the voice of his old pastor).  “Now, John, as I said, we wish we could really give you a proper gift but we just don’t have it.  But we’d like to give you a small “token” of our appreciation.”  And with those words, he hands John the crisp new $10 bill that John recognizes as the one he put in the poor box.

Traveling home, he decides to test his son.  He says to his little brown-eyed five year old, “Son, there’s a lesson here.”  And the innocent faced boy looks up at him and says, “I know” “Well, what is it son?”  And the little boy says, “If you had given more, you would have gotten more!”

Let’s talk about fatherhood for a few minutes, this afternoon.  My own father, after whom I was named, just died a little more than a month ago at 81 years old. So, I’ve been thinking about fatherhood a lot for the past few weeks.

 I realize how much of who he was is in who my eight brothers and sisters are.  We were raised by two parents in tag team match fashion.  If we got to be too much for my mom (which was rarely because she could usually handle her eight free spirited children pretty well), she could always say, “Wait until your father gets home!”  and we knew, as so  many kids did then, how to straighten up.  My father had presence in our household. 

You, our city’s top neighborhood dads are to be commended.   The fact you are here, first means we could find you… too many fathers are absent from the lives of too many children in Baltimore City.  Too many children are trying to grow up and they have no real idea who their father is… in the Afterword to Bill Cosby’s book, Fatherhood, published in 1986, Dr. Alvin Poussaint, a brother from Harvard, remarked:  “Some males, unfortunately, are interested only in impregnating a woman to become a biological father and have no interest in becoming a psychological father: a man who helps to raise and support his children.  Fathers who willingly abandon their offspring are shortsighted and irresponsible.  They shortchange their children, their families, society, and themselves.  Absent fathers, due to whatever cause, are missing the opportunity for an unparalleled form of self-fulfillment and emotional satisfaction, including involvement in their partner’s pregnancy.” 

There are two main responsibilities of a good father and you, our honorees, have already shown the first one.  You are known in your neighborhoods, were nominated and are being honored here to today because you have presence in the lives of your children and families.  In order to be a good father, you have to be on the scene… you have to be there…

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, children of single mothers, particularly mothers who never married, are much more likely to grow up poor and much more likely to rely on welfare than children raised in two-parent households. They are twice as likely to drop out of high school and twice as likely to spend time in jail.

Teenaged girls who do not know their fathers are more than twice as likely to get pregnant and 50 percent more likely to commit suicide. Boys without fathers are 63 percent more likely to run away and 37 percent more likely to use drugs.

So, being there makes a big difference.  More of our brothers need to wake up to that fact and wake up smart.

 Again, I’m reminded of the story of a man and his wife who were having some problems and giving each other the silent treatment. The man realized that he’d need his wife to wake him the next morning at 5:00 AM for an early flight to Chicago.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper and left it for her, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

The next morning, the man woke up only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper left for him by the bed.

The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

So, keep doing what you’re doing and remind your sons and grandsons, your friends and neighbors that fatherhood is not a spectator sport… you’ve got to get in the game and stay in the game for the sake of us all!

The other main responsibility to being a good father was also discussed by Mr. Cosby in his book.  He wrote:

“When Willie Loman in Death of a Salesman said, “Attention must be paid.” He was speaking the four most important words a parent can know, even more important than “Dad, she’s not pregnant.”  Attention must be paid…

Like any other contact sport, once you’re in the game, you have to keep your eyes open and be ready to act at all times.  Both of my daughters, now ages 25 and soon to be 22 are type 1 (sometimes called juvenile) diabetics.  You talk about having to pay attention: blood sugar levels, snacks and meals, twice daily insulin shots… their lives depended on the girls and I paying attention… But all children’s lives depend on the good, steady attention of their parents.  Moms are around… but the more eyes, ears and hands on board the better it is.  The presence of alert active dads increases the chances of raising children successfully dramatically.

And speaking of being an alert parent, another story… A lady named Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner… who lives with a female roommate, Vikki… During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate was.  She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.  Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.  Reading his mom’s thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, Mama. But I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”  “Well, I doubt it”, he said,  “but I’ll e-mail her, just to be sure.”  So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mama,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the sugar bowl from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take it.  But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a  response e-mail from his Mama, which read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Vikki, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with her.  But the fact remains, that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the bowl by now.

Love,

Mama

Sometimes the problems in our society seem far bigger than our ability to handle them.  Sometimes our world seems overwhelmingly “neurotic and confused” to quote the words of a late, great civil rights activist in our town, Walter P. Carter.   Sometimes it seems like for all the time, the thinking, the energy, the courage and the sacrifice of great women and men who went before us that things seem no only like they’re not getting better but that things are getting worse. 

And maybe things are… I would maintain that these are the “difficult days” that Martin Luther King predicted were “ahead” the night before he died on a motel balcony in Memphis, Tennessee almost forty years ago now… The incessant poverty—born of high unemployment and underemployment… high amounts of drug and drink addiction, too little housing for those with low incomes resulting in children and our elderly growing up in overcrowded, decrepit housing, struggling schools and rising crime… and the taxes from our wages spent on a senseless, unending war waged by a clueless Current White House Occupant… whose definition of homeland security has nothing to do with good jobs at good wages, good housing and healthcare for all, quality education or safe streets, eliminating hunger or ensuring the best future for our children.

This is the story, not just in our beloved city of Baltimore, but everywhere… But all is not lost… the game is not over… we are not beaten… we are not bent.  Good people, such as yourselves… such as Stephanie Rawlings-Blake and the members of her staff: Kevin Cleary, Kim Washington, Marva Williams and Maureen Daley (among others) and many others can and must keep fighting, keep struggling for progress… for the very futures, the very lives of our children.

We’ve all got to get up a little earlier, speak up a little more, work a little harder and reach out to embrace other people’s children who don’t have top neighborhood fathers in their lives.  I don’t have to tell you:  one more child at the dinner table, an extra birthday card… a word of advice, encouragement or warning to someone’s child are things we can do on our block. 

But while you’re at it, teach the children how to struggle for progress.  For as Frederick Douglass said, “If there is no struggle there is no progress.  Power concedes nothing without a demand.  It never did and it never will.”  Tell the non-believers and those less certain than yourselves  to teach the children how to defend themselves in the public arena… how to fight for what they believe in.  Tell them to take their children from their earliest years into the voting booths with them when they go to vote… Tell them to take the children with them to City Hall and to Annapolis and to DC… for meetings and rallies.   Tell them to tell the children that they come first, remembering that actions speak louder than words and that most of us would rather see a good sermon than hear one. 

We must counteract the impact of our crazy national government, our omni-present and overly influential irresponsible media, the noise emanating from the silent assemblies of our houses of worship…  the rebellious children who seek the love of gangs as substitution for the love of families… and the effects (or lack thereof) of  absent, uncaring fathers in some of the houses in some of our neighborhoods.

I believe when all is said and done that it is people who make the difference.  I believe change happens when enough good people say enough is enough.  I believe you, our top neighborhood dads here in 2007 understand this…  We just need to keep spreading the word that we can win… that good is stronger than evil and right is tougher than wrong. 

You have already started the struggle by showing up in your children’s lives and by paying attention to their needs.  Congratulations on your being acknowledged today [applaud yourselves].  But see this award not as a gold watch for your retirement but a ring on your finger that weds you to the movement for change… the struggle for a better life for all in Baltimore… the bloodless revolution to bring about MLK’s beloved community, where all are treated with love and respect.  The Cuban political activist, Ernesto “Che” Guevara once said “…the true revolutionary is moved by great feelings of love.” 

Thanks for all you’ve done.  Thanks for all you are doing.  Thanks for all you will do.  Keep going, and remember what the Dixie Chicks reminded us in their last album, Taking the Long Way…  “Our children are watching us.”  Therefore: peace.  Thanks. 

REM, Jr.

6/15/07